Are you one of those kind hearted, selfless people who is always looking for ways to help your family but who tends to put your own needs last? If so, here are some tried and tested family-friendly resolution ideas from our team that we have found really helpful.
Ideas to make sure you look after yourself
Selfless people often put the needs of others before their own. It’s worth remembering the safety advice given when we board a plane; always fit your oxygen mask to yourself before you help your children. You are no good to anyone if you pass out! Consider the following ideas that have worked for us:
Make some time for you to do something that makes you feel good and helps you relax. It might be going for a walk, going for a swim or to the gym, doing something like a jigsaw or getting out your old art equipment and being creative again. It could be a regular coffee date with a best friend or joining a local club or organisation. The key thing is to do it regularly. Put it in your diary (and everyone else’s) and do all you can to protect the time.
Trying to plan in some time without children is a challenge! Those of us who are single parenting may need to call in some favours and plan short bursts of child care with friends or extended family. Those of us who are co-parenting may need to give a gentle reminder to the other person to help out a little more often with the children!
Building in times of peace and solitude with no access to technology has helped some of us create ‘headspace’, aid creativity and give us time to think things through. Something as simple as driving in silence without music or podcasts playing has been really helpful.
Ideas to strengthen your family relationships
Families we work with often say that the distractions of technology can get in the way of fully focussing and engaging with those we love. With that in mind, each of the following ideas ideally needs to be done with tech on silent or better still, in a different room or a friend’s bag/pocket so we are not tempted to constantly check our messages!
Put date time in the diary on a regular basis – this is an old idea but those of us who do it say it is really helpful for keeping that connection with our special person. It doesn’t have to cost a lot and can even be at home when the children are asleep (if the children sleep!). Regular and often is best and you may have to learn to be strong to say no to offers from other people and keep it for just the two of you.
Family-time on a regular basis. This idea is similar to date night but can involve your whole family doing things together for periods of time. It could be trips outdoors or family meals. Whatever you can do will be good as long as you do it together. You can even ignore the no tech rule here if that is too much for the children! I remember being shown how to play Minecraft many years ago when our children were young and we had lots of fun as a family doing that together!
Whenever possible, plan in some 1:1 parent and child time. This is the number one wish that we hear from most children that we support. A wish to spend more time doing something with their mum or their dad. It doesn’t have to be expensive and it doesn’t have to take all day. It can be as short as 10 minutes a day cuddling up and reading a story together. It could be something longer like doing some cooking together, going for a walk, playing with Lego or anything else that involves ‘doing’ together.
Top tip for all of these ideas – put them in the diary in advance and do all you can to keep them safe. We realise that many of these ideas are harder for larger families and for single parents with many children. However, we have personally seen the life changing difference this can make to our family relationships and our mental health so if you can do even one of the ideas, give it a go.
Contact us if you have any questions or would like to explore how we could help you.